Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Becoming

It was the all-important exam, my last, if I crack it and then
I will get a cozy job and I will be settled. I studied hard, burnt
All the midnight oil, as they say, I could manage. The night before
The exam, I studied all night, I studied all morning, I studied on the way
To the example hall, I studied till the last moment… and when it was time to
Write the answers, I collapsed in a roomful of eighty aspirants and the irony was
I did know all the answers…

I waited this to happen, I waited. I got by, did this and that and waited… one day
Things will change and I will be the man I always dreamed of becoming, in my dreams,
In my waking moments… I waited for the becoming, the precise moment when I will
Be transformed into something else, the vision of me, the perfect me, the me that I will
Be proud to introduce to the world. I did this and that and I waited. I got by and waited.
That perfect moment… I counted the days and I wanted. That perfect moment… Now,
My memory is blurred. I am alone and I am not sure what I did with my years…

I look at the mirror and someone else stares back. I do not know
This person, this haggard, little, old person, whom no one knows and no
One remembers. This was not the ‘me’ that I desired. This was not the ‘me’
I waited for. This was not the becoming the craved. No, it wasn’t the becoming.
The moment of becoming arrived and passed by me, in those moments of waiting when I
Did not choose this and choose that, did not do this and do that… and now this is the end of
This becoming, when you whither beyond despair…

[True Story. I hope to make it a poem someday.]

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